# 9 - Top 5 Ways to Tell If Your House is Haunted (Or If You Just Need to Clean)

By Gilbert (While Sally Is Distracted and Hopefully Not Noticing I’m Posting This)

Ah, the eternal question: is your home the site of an ominous paranormal presence, or are you just long overdue for spring cleaning?

As a seasoned investigator (unlike someone who jumps to conclusions for dramatic effect coughSallycough), I have compiled a foolproof checklist to help you determine whether your house is haunted… or if it is just dirty and tired.

1. Doors creaking on their own

Possibly paranormal: A cold breeze drifts through the hallway. The door slowly groans open, as if an unseen hand is pushing it. You swear you locked it, yet here it is: open! Typical ghost behavior, like cats they hate closed doors.

More likely: When was the last time you oiled those hinges? If your answer is "never" or "what do you mean, oil hinges?" then I regret to inform you that your haunting is actually just physics. Ghosts love dramatic entrances, but so does the sheer force of gravity and poor home maintenance. Get some WD-40 before you call an exorcist.

2. Unexplained cold spots

Possibly paranormal: You walk into a room and suddenly, the temperature drops by ten degrees. Your breath turns to mist. A chill runs down your spine. Those pesky ghosts are at it again, sucking all warmth and energy out of the air!

More likely: Have you checked for drafts? Did you leave a window open? Is your insulation older than you? Are you standing directly in front of an air vent? Before assuming a vengeful spirit is lurking, maybe consider fixing the gaps in your windows first. Or, you know, wear a sweater.

3. Strange smells at night

Possibly paranormal: The scent of sulfur fills the air. A foul, untraceable odor wafts through the house. Is it a demonic presence? A lost soul lingering in the walls? Is something trying to communicate through scent?

More likely: Check your fridge. Check under the couch. Check anywhere you (or your pets) may have left something that might be fermenting. Nine times out of ten, that “otherworldly stench” is just last week’s takeout container that got pushed behind the milk. Remember: don’t crowd the fridge and remove all your snacks in and around the couch each night before bed. Trust me, some spontaneous lifeforms are very unwilling to move house once they are settled in.

4. Whispering voices in the dead of night

Possibly paranormal: You wake up in the middle of the night and hear whispering. It’s soft, unintelligible, but undeniably real. A ghostly presence trying to communicate? The voices of past residents trapped in the walls?

More likely: Did you leave the TV on? Is your phone autoplaying a weird ASMR video? Do you have paper-thin walls and a neighbor who talks in their sleep? I’m not saying you aren’t experiencing a supernatural phenomenon, but before you start recording EVPs, maybe check if Netflix is still running.

5. Objects moving on their own

Possibly paranormal: You place your keys on the counter. You turn away for just a moment, and when you look back: gone! Something took them. They appear in another room entirely. No one else is home. The spirits are messing with you.

More likely: Have you met yourself? Are you sleep-deprived? Stressed? Do you have a cat? Because I hate to break it to you, but your “poltergeist activity” is more likely your own scatterbrained tendencies or a feline with a vendetta. However, if objects start levitating in front of you, I fully support calling an expert (or running, very fast).

Conclusion: Probably Not a Ghost, But...

If you’ve checked off multiple items on this list and have ruled out logical explanations, then maybe, just maybe, you’ve got a real haunting on your hands. In which case, congratulations! Or condolences…

Either way, Sally would love to investigate. I’ll come along as well, but just to recheck the list above.

Cause let’s be real: most of the time, your house isn’t haunted. It’s just messy, drafty, and due for some needed maintenance. Which, honestly, is more off-putting than any ghost.

PS: Sally, if you’re reading this, before you take this post down, consider:

1) This is educational content

2) Our readers need this information

3) I already changed the password so you can’t delete it without my help. You’re welcome.